Monthly Archives: February 2012

In the Silence

There’s a lot of noise in my mind. I feel my frustrations build one on top of the other. I need to get away. Clear away these thoughts that collide and crumble into pieces. Sometimes I want to cry. In the hope of washing away the debris. Feeling unwanted. Feeling insecure. Feeling lonely. In the silence that will come. I hope and pray God finds me. Help me. Clean me. Restore me. May the noises be conversations that speak with meaning and delight. Set the pace with peace. Bring in light. I hope … In the silence.

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Unfair Soldier

You’re an unfair soldier
You don’t know right from wrong
Pushing up on me like you know it all
but what’s going on with me you don’t even know

I love that your successfully making it
In all the things you do
You got yourself all together
I’m so proud of you
But this doesn’t give you the right to be dictating what my next move is going to be
The road I’m about to take is mine, not yours, so don’t be pushing me
Your intentions may be fine
But don’t be acting like some god divine, trying to gain complete control, no,that’s just out of line
Take all your demands, your unwelcome words
Take them with your lines of disrespect
Trash them with your ultra size ego
If you can’t be patient, be positive and support me like I need
Then I suggest you just get the hell on out of here

Our love right here
It aint no battlefield
I ain’t trying to win, or compete
I just want to be alive while on earth I live.
I was fine before I even met you
I wasn’t struggling
Money, clothes, shoes and jewels, they flow in fine
Family, friends, their love and time, they keep me strong, they’re all I need
Getting this non-love from you is something I choose not to keep

How can you even think
That I could be
so materialistic that all I need are your receipted gifts
You wondering why I be
asking for your thoughts, your feelings, your time
Understand that I am not
Some unspoken mistress you can play with at any time

You may be a soldier in this world of money and pride
but climbing up the ranks is not what is running through my mind
Don’t use me as some pawn
Cherish me as your queen
Or else I’ll just go find someone else
Who appreciates the independent woman I love being.

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Let’s Take a Break: an Interlude

I will start and finish this with only you
Maybe a little something more than a kiss or two
No interruptions can excuse what we are about to do
Let’s take a break
Just me and you

Lie here on the grass, by the park, away from the streets
Let me sit on top while you fumble through my fingertips
Pull me in real close, hold me real firm, smile and roll over the top me
Nothing too naughty, here in public, by the light of the day bright sky
A little more showy than what mama would ever let me
but right now who cares, we’ll save the raunchy unrest till the come of night

Even though I still have so much to do
I love this interlude I share with you
There’s no pressure, no criticising weight within the gaze of your eyes
When you hold me, it’s not to mould me into something that makes me not want to be alive
You do something to me
Like music that moves me, soothes me within the locking of our lips
Your chosen words unleash
the reasons why I must finish everything before we get together tonight
Starting off with where we left things
while taking a break, here in the park by daylight

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She Let Go

What are you afraid of.

I’m not sure. There’s just so much noise that I don’t know if it is my own voice that is speaking or someone else’s. Go on, praise and preach. But your words I choose not to believe. I am slightly annoyed at all the interruptions. My moment of silence is never complete. Am I too slow in making my decisions. This world is trying to make me predictable.

What am I feeling now? At this very moment? What is going through my mind? Without judgement. Without me judging me through others’ eyes. Just write. Let it out. Speak. Explain why these reasons lurk about. Unclothe the layers I pile upon my skin. They do nothing but keep heat in. Run bare. Expose truth. The stories behind these scars, this bruise and those wounds.

My happy side. It ran away. It tried to call back my childhood. I wept. I felt abandoned. Why did they leave and did not return. Was I not loving enough. Did I lay too soft that anyone who sought comfort just went and laid on top.

The ruins remained mysterious. Lifestyle never felt. Past never pieced together. Unique beauty held but never appreciated. Built but not well maintained.

To lose nothing was scary. It was all I had left. To forgive was admitting defeat but I was running out of excuses. To continue I had to begin. So I let go.

She let go of the blade that she held over her skin
Tattering into shape the ideal that she saw from a magazine.
She let go of the man who brought nothing but grief
Stole her money claiming he was a hunter who would bring back meat and honey, make her smile, be genuine and sweet.
Betrayed by false dreams, blurring instructions, twisted directions.
She let me in and there I found a stronger soul. Caught in awe, I witnessed the demise of old rotting habits …

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