Monthly Archives: June 2012

While Juggling in the Jungle

The sunny morning on a cold day. The colour of blue not interrupted by clouds of white or grey. The green grass. The plants that stand tall, alive in the warmth of a morning that isn’t shaken by the hustling rush of Monday to Friday 9-to-5’s. Beauties that nature has never chosen to hide.

Looking back on the month that was; about the hustle to make ends meet, it was like an unstructured juggle of time. The extreme opposites of goals enough to turn my hair from the darkest of browns to the lightest of white. Running almost parallel to the racetrack that led to the graduation podium where I would hold my degree, completed, up high, diverted by debt collectors digging holes in my empty wallet, I had to level my ground or else I would find myself buried alive. Lucky this was not my first time. Experience has taught me how to handle the stress and stay focused, one day at a time. Cut back enough on good times, just for this little while. Don’t take on any more tasks that would eat up what little time I had. Drive myself crazy with books, lectures notes, and constantly saying no to procrastinating devices but crazy enough to take my studying out-of-town and combine it with spending time with friends. Call it miraculous or completely distracting but during this time, I awakened to the beauties that I have taken for granted.

Simple living. Remove excuses, remove regret. Speak your mind, speak your heart, be honest instead. Appreciate people’s thoughts and values by their experiences and not by the standards I give myself; but not to get it confused with stupidity or being treated with disrespect. Let’s learn to listen to those around us. Let go of those who leave you bitter, and after some time trying to change things, still cause you to feel uncomfortable with being yourself, and vice versa.

As I go about my daily grind, I find myself observing my surroundings with a different perspective.

The city buzzes despite being covered by shadows of high-rise buildings where people slot themselves in to earn a living. Architectural designs made to impress international visitors, expressing class, style, wonder and delight; be amazed by the artistic flares price tags have funded for others to construct. Locals proud and lucky to have access to such beauty when they walk out of their jobs and onto footpaths.

The ground below never stops moving. People constantly walking, jogging; hopping in and out of taxis, cars and buses, all moving at their own pace. Each with their own agenda. Others sit in the many parks scattered in between building blocks and traffic filled streets, the timeout zones for those wanting to break away from the concrete jungle. Take your shoes off and dig your feet into the grass. Eyes closed, face to the sun, defrost the game face; relaxing, resting; nature reviving the tiring soul that was confined in the air-conditioned corner where time can fly or feel as stagnant as days crammed into only hours before midday.

Being a passionate traveller, I put myself in a tourist’s shoes as I walk through the tourist hotspots of harbour views and iconic attractions, pass restaurants and buskers, and wonder how I would go about a shopping spree with the prices of these designer dresses, shoes, bags, accessories, tees and jeans. Would I scope the entire city, taking pictures of everything I see? Would I know about all the cheap spots, try out all the different styles of the city’s night life? Would I head out to the beaches? Would I hike the mountains that divide our metropolitan living from country living? Would I explore rainforests via boardwalk, go off-roading, fish and camp for a few days too?

Travelling an hour and half west on the train, back home, scenery changes; busy highways and motorways turn off into quiet suburban streets, the tall buildings turn to houses, working stations to dining tables and couch and TV, workmates to friends and family. As long as I get to go home to them, and until I win the lotto, and sort out my investments so I don’t have to work again, work ain’t so bad.

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Support these Kidneys!

Sydney’s City2Surf is happening this Sunday 12th August, 2012.

I guess I was in such pain last year that I chose to blur the run out of my memory when I signed up. All that aside,  I am looking forward to this 14km run from Sydney City to Bondi Beach. To keep me motivated – I’m running for a cause that is very close to home – Kidney Health Australia – Dedicated to my strong father who continues to overcome the challenges of kidney failure – keep your health up Papa, much love xoxo.

The bits and pieces of last year’s City2Surf: I remember the chilly morning getting to the city with running clothes and not warm clothes on. Freezing! My favourite milestone was when I ran/jogged the first 3 km – 5 km and when I saw the km post, I thought I only had a few km to go, only to realise that I had only ran a few km and had a whoppa to go! My heart sank, my lungs almost stopped but my legs knew what they had to do – KEEP GOING! DONT STOP! I learned to despise uphills and love the beautiful drop of downhills. I appreciated random cheersquads by the sidelines all the way through the race. And water and Gatorade at the first drink stand was like drinking out of Eden’s streams. This year, I’m training more, DEFINITELY!

Your support, your donation, your help with fundraising by sharing the link the below, it means the world to me 🙂

http://www.fundraise.city2surf.com.au/Caryl_Molina_3441

Together, Let’s Make a Difference

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Within my thousand thoughts

I’m finally letting myself have this hour or so to completely be away from studying. To be honest, it hasn’t been an all too productive study session today … still, it’s something.
However, I’ve realised that if I ever need to instantly feel depressed, all I need to do is open up an accounting textbook. I actually really like my job but passionately dislike the background studying I have to do for it.

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I recently got a nomination from my not yet grounded friend for the One Lovely Blog Award. Apart from feeling grateful, I felt blank. It’s been a year now since I started blogging. Finding my own style, sorting out my passions and picking directions to take my writing has been like journeying through a collaboration of mazes, never-ending. You see at first, I found it extremely intimidating to say ‘yes’ to putting myself, my thoughts and ideas, online for people to read, relate to, enjoy, judge and … reject. I still find it a little intimidating and a lot of the time, I second think publishing the thoughts that trek my mind but being able to express myself so randomly, as I have, has settled me mentally and … inside, I’m more balanced … even if what I’ve written in the past says otherwise.

What have I learned this past year? Well, first of all, it’s astonishing to realise that it’s only been a year. Emotionally and mentally, I feel battered. Physically, I could be better. But spiritually, I’m glad to be as open as I am right now. I reckon I’ve cried more than I have had my periods, and I’m on regular cycles (sorry for the ‘too much info’ here). I’ve had to re-teach myself the meaning of living and loving a thousand times over and I think I’m now getting it.

The best lesson I’ve learnt this past year is the need to live my life with passion. It sounds obvious but you need to know what your passion is to be able to live it. I hadn’t had a clue before, now, I have quite a few. The arts of trust, truth, giving and believing … can never be completely documented with words. These masterpieces have touched me deeply; gifted with new appreciation for the simplest and simpler tones and patterns of the caring hands that hold me, help me, accept me.

Can’t isn’t part of a man’s vocabulary” (… something like that)(Love and Basketball, 2000). Hearing this line today felt like a wake up call. I’ve hidden myself. Imprisoned myself in my house, sentencing myself with excuses for made up study and family committment crimes. Silencing my thoughts with routines patrolled by conventional schedules that had always bored me. I’d spread myself thin across the board again. I struggled to say no to studying and working at the same time because being without money is troublesome. Yet, I can easily turn down a date or any chance of finding ‘my man,’ to the point where I find it easier to stay home than have lunch and chats over coffee with my friends, even if ‘free’ was the ransome fee. This weekend was no different … need to kick this nasty case of anti-socialism. Mind you, I’ve updated my music collection with so many of my favourite r&b songs, old and new, that I’ve always wanted to have ready to play … I feel complete.

The paper chasing grind is awaiting me when I awake in the morning. So on a final reflection:

I feel I’ve done a 360 and now careful to not be repeating what was done, that’s just painful and crazy. My past’s reputation isn’t glamorous, and I doubt I could ever redeem myself. I’m trying not to be phased by it although recollections haunt and hurt. I went from not caring to praying for everyone I close to my heart.

And despite my sentimental ways, I still have regular spurts of random quirks and philosophies, nothing ideas, cocky remarks and sensual descriptions of my day to play with and express in free-verses, rhymes and lengthy stories. This has been the shortened story of me.

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