Affected

I actually don’t know what you want from me. You have me nervous and scared. I am tired of disappointing and hearing that I have failed.
I have troubles with relationships. I feel like I am being judged all the time. Is my love good enough? Do I look good enough? Do I bore you? Do you feel uneasy when you see the effects of self-doubt? Do I hurt you with the words I do and do not say? Do I make you feel imprisoned and wish you were elsewhere?  Am I just standing in your way? Am I worth the arguments and fights?  Would you take me back after I have broken your very trust?

I am vibrant. I am adventurous. I am independent. I am smart. I am insecure. I am busy. I am complex.

I do not like to lose. I do not like to cause pain.

I have not opened up. I don’t think I have ever let anyone get deep inside my being. I fear people would use what they find to make fun of who I am. The reasons behind my gratitude. The reasons behind my tears. The reasons why it may seem like I just don’t care. The reasons why I choose to stay clear. The reasons why I run so much from the deeper parts of any relationship. The reason why I choose to sit quietly and stare at the stars , full moon and waters that run deep.

I dream to let my guard down and let loved-ones explore the thoughts and feelings that make me different.

Like you.

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  1. […] Affected (caughtinbetweenthoughts.wordpress.com) […]

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