Monthly Archives: October 2012

My Last Words …

When I started this blog, I was full of negative emotion. I was broken, heartbroken, financially stuck, juggling two very different lifestyles. It burnt me to the ground. I remember the countless hours writing everything and everywhere trying to release myself from the thoughts that clouded my head. Daunting helplessness lingered and crawled around inside.

But here I found God. I reunited with love. I Rediscovered me. The time I spent writing here had helped me grow mentally and spiritually. I look at my life now and I feel accomplished even though, to many, it may not seem big. My thoughts evolved into ideas, a healthy lifestyle change, a career plan and my passion for bold positive creative arts returned.

I love writing. I love many forms of art. Sadly, when I’m here I feel restricted. I try to convince myself that I’m overreacting but I feel like I am staring into the hole that I was lifted out of; reading and writing here scraps my knees onto the walls as I climb down. So I’m starting again. Fresh blog, more honest and upfront posts, passionate ideas that I can share. I will keep this blog open to share, to reflect and hopefully come back to when I’m ready. My scribble lab hasn’t shut down for good, just relocating.

I am proud of myself with doing something that pursued my dreams. It started as just a thought, then got Caught in between Thoughts …

Ready for my next project …but not my last words yet … I’m still caught between thoughts …

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I Will Never Understand (Your Love for Me)

I give it to you
All to you
Everything I am have it all
no matter what’s in my hands
What’s in my arms
I’d share it all with you
I’ll never hide away
I was never deserving
of  these you keep giving
you pour unto me
your love your trust your understanding
I’ve turned my back on you
I’ve walked right away
Put darkness put shadows between us
Covered the tracks I left behind
But the minute I cried
The second I said
I missed you
You shone the way back
You were there when I turned around
Waiting where I left
I will never understand you
I will never understand your love for me
I will never understand why you’d give it all to me
You’re not phased by the distance and time between us
How do you do it
How do you forgive me
and love me like I never hurt you

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30 Seconds to Forget You

It took 30 seconds to forget you
40 seconds for my eyes and hands to play
Running fingers through temptation
50 seconds to wake up
2 seconds to trip
Steps not enough to get away

14 minutes on the floor
20 minutes
out the door
Dirty hours
Now you’re gone

How could I just forget you
You gave me so much love
You were so sincere
Who’s going to mend my broken
Who’s going to stop these tears
Who’s going to forgive me for these sins
Stop all the loneliness I feel

In the mirror
blank and silent
dark and shadowed
lifeless
remembering
You promised to be faithful
You said you would stay through thick and thin
You knew my strengths and weaknesses
The foolishness that would cause me to break
You left me in chains
Heartache filled with regret

Struggling to forget you
Every night wishing for you
to come back home
Please come back home

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Why Did You Question Me

I’m not quite sure why that question lingered
why you’re asking now
why don’t you trust me
why are you thinking that I have other agendas playing on the side

Why would you think I could hurt you selfishly
that I don’t care after all I’ve done and said
How could I put what mattered to you second to greed
I thought you knew
Self praise and pride don’t have a part

You should have known
You should have believed
What am I to do
Now I don’t know
If I can shake the thought of you
doing that very thing to me

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