Category Archives: God

How Do I get you to Understand Me

I’ve been wanting to write for some time now. This time around I have more than one dominating issue that rushes through my mind.
I have so many concerns, so many out of my control but I can still help in one way or another.

I sat in church a couple of times voicing out my opinions. Trying to make sense of the world that I have entered.
I look around and I see so many that need help but how, from me? What do I do? How do I listen and speak for you, Lord?

I look at myself and I wonder will I ever trust another soul. Could I ever believe that I could be their only one.
So many instances where my time was easily erased, replaced by another because what I gave was not enough to keep them satisfied all day.
How do I believe that I am not merely filling time because I seem so quiet and easy.

I don’t spend my time being sad all day. I am grateful everyday that I am loved by my creator, that I am made by love by my maker, grateful he takes good care of me. I need only look at the path I’ve travelled and smile at the light that glistens in front me. Never felt so alive, never thought I would survive, now here I am, standing strong, joyous, at peace. Standing strong, mind open and free.

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Something from Someone from a Time Long Past (Thank You)

Something from someone from a time long past
something for someone 
someone never forgotten.

sense brings colour to a blind man's eyes
divulged with humility
humbled with reality
lifted with an urge to bring this all to life.

taken from days that lay still from a moment not made to last
appealed to repeal separation
like a toy being stripped from an honest child's hands
I did no wrong 
but your love resurrected from my hands into the life of not ours

Disillusion is not comforting
poisoned almost 
drowned almost 
cut deeper 
still alive?
love no hope 
fear I hold
seeing buzz alarms the dying soul inside
but here you are
recreating the shelter where I home a dying soul inside
the something you gave to me 
after someone had damaged me
fought to save me to come alive

reluctant to let go
of the things I know
of the way I was convinced should last
no matter how not good it was
still they were familiar grounds
predictability to soften the pain
why could you not just lie to me
let my ego eat me alive sugar coat me to sleep
instead of dragging me through rougher defeats
maybe wiser
definitely hurt
missing a stranger
lover ghost
a life you redirected from rumbled destructions

living for something
feeling like someone
someone not forgotten.
(Thank you)
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Before I Fall Asleep

Lord I am whispering
I hope you can hear me
thank you for getting me through this year
I feel like I’ve come to the end of an era
like the Mayans
I see a new year
I look back at the hazy path that I’ve walked
I look at myself and I see change
my heart and my mind are as confused as an unsolved puzzle
driven to succeed at a goal I don’t even understand
I look around me and I feel
no longer wanting to hide
I look around me and I dream
putting plans behind each thought that needs to be recognised

Born as my Saviour
I track my life against your call
I thank you Lord Jesus
for getting me through so much turmoil
I’ve celebrated life with the best people
my friends and family
I’ve learned and shared life with the greatest
I know I am unworthy
having you love me makes me want to do more
although I can never be worthy
I’ll risk life to take the chance to be you

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My Last Words …

When I started this blog, I was full of negative emotion. I was broken, heartbroken, financially stuck, juggling two very different lifestyles. It burnt me to the ground. I remember the countless hours writing everything and everywhere trying to release myself from the thoughts that clouded my head. Daunting helplessness lingered and crawled around inside.

But here I found God. I reunited with love. I Rediscovered me. The time I spent writing here had helped me grow mentally and spiritually. I look at my life now and I feel accomplished even though, to many, it may not seem big. My thoughts evolved into ideas, a healthy lifestyle change, a career plan and my passion for bold positive creative arts returned.

I love writing. I love many forms of art. Sadly, when I’m here I feel restricted. I try to convince myself that I’m overreacting but I feel like I am staring into the hole that I was lifted out of; reading and writing here scraps my knees onto the walls as I climb down. So I’m starting again. Fresh blog, more honest and upfront posts, passionate ideas that I can share. I will keep this blog open to share, to reflect and hopefully come back to when I’m ready. My scribble lab hasn’t shut down for good, just relocating.

I am proud of myself with doing something that pursued my dreams. It started as just a thought, then got Caught in between Thoughts …

Ready for my next project …but not my last words yet … I’m still caught between thoughts …

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