Category Archives: Short (Story) Piece

She Let Go

What are you afraid of.

I’m not sure. There’s just so much noise that I don’t know if it is my own voice that is speaking or someone else’s. Go on, praise and preach. But your words I choose not to believe. I am slightly annoyed at all the interruptions. My moment of silence is never complete. Am I too slow in making my decisions. This world is trying to make me predictable.

What am I feeling now? At this very moment? What is going through my mind? Without judgement. Without me judging me through others’ eyes. Just write. Let it out. Speak. Explain why these reasons lurk about. Unclothe the layers I pile upon my skin. They do nothing but keep heat in. Run bare. Expose truth. The stories behind these scars, this bruise and those wounds.

My happy side. It ran away. It tried to call back my childhood. I wept. I felt abandoned. Why did they leave and did not return. Was I not loving enough. Did I lay too soft that anyone who sought comfort just went and laid on top.

The ruins remained mysterious. Lifestyle never felt. Past never pieced together. Unique beauty held but never appreciated. Built but not well maintained.

To lose nothing was scary. It was all I had left. To forgive was admitting defeat but I was running out of excuses. To continue I had to begin. So I let go.

She let go of the blade that she held over her skin
Tattering into shape the ideal that she saw from a magazine.
She let go of the man who brought nothing but grief
Stole her money claiming he was a hunter who would bring back meat and honey, make her smile, be genuine and sweet.
Betrayed by false dreams, blurring instructions, twisted directions.
She let me in and there I found a stronger soul. Caught in awe, I witnessed the demise of old rotting habits …

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Rambling like girls gossip

There is absolutely nothing better to do today then sit at my desk and fool the dear boss with the illusion that I am working right now. The art of deception.

What’s a new year without the good old resolution of living a healthier, more active lifestyle. Before the year was out; before I intoxicated myself with countless cocktails in my pajamas (knowing very well my bed was right there waiting for me); I decided to get back to into those jogging shoes and gym clothes and get fit once again. Little did I know I was going to depress myself with eating restrictions.

Technology is my saving grace this time round, and also my torturing assassin. Coming out of a credit card blunder – I wasn’t prepared to pay a trainer or sign up to the gym again this year. So out of the app world emerged my new friend and enemy – NOOM my weight loss coach. It’s easy to use and not anal in training. So far so good. Let you know if this thought changes.

Being an accountant, you’d think I’d enjoy counting and analysing. Don’t get me wrong, I do, just not when it’s the calories I consume! My app calculated that to reach my goal, I can only consume 760 calories a day! I love food. Absolutely love food. I have to keep reminding myself that I’m a healthy eater, the majority of the time, so it shouldn’t be this drastic but it feels that way.
Day one – 2150 of the allowed 760 calories. Ripped my heart out.
Day 2 – 1675 – better but boy do I miss my ice-cream and cake desserts after dinner.
I feel like I’m starving myself. How do you healthy people do it! How did I use to do it!
I’m determined though, so I am persevering with this challenge. (Yes, I only just started but I need to get the whinging out of the way so bear with me.)

So, I figured I should just increase my exercise if I want to eat more. I decided to walk around the neighbourhood to get things started. My neighbourhood is still expanding so at the moment the perimeter is only half of what I set my exercise goal to be! Not much luck at all. Thank God I decided to take up dancing. I’ve scheduled 3-4 dance classes to get myself active. I love dancing so it’s not too daunting. As they say “do what you love.” Let’s see when I actually take my first class though, give me two weeks.

Now I need an organiser to keep me on top of my tasks. Juggling healthy living with University and work is stressful and food is my dearest comfort.

Now I need money to afford this new lifestyle. All I can do is laugh because I started this trying to do it on the cheap – didn’t quite turn out that way.

—-

Life is sweet – despite the setbacks 🙂

Now back to the reason why I’m getting paid – work.

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Living the Christmas life

Definition of love is best witnessed at Christmas. ‘I love you’ through the exchange of gifts, quality time spent with family and friends, acts of charity great or small.

Jesus came to bring us light; light that gives life. Its a gift, a blessing we are fortunate to have since birth.

Let’s try something different and be this generous all throughout the year. Life beyond money and beyond the fear of not having money. I know its easier said than done and that luxury is so much more comfortable than begging for scraps. But step out into the light of Jesus. Smile daily, laugh regularly, provide comfort wherever necessary.

Let worry and fear only be for a split second in life. The rest; believe and trust that God has blessed you with skills, talents and resources to handle all situations in your life.

Let’s be merry. Let’s rejoice. For we have been given the gift of living with and in Christ on this Earth.

Merry Christmas

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Jibberish noted / Change

I don’t have much to write at the moment.

I really want succeed as a writer so right now, creative writing has taken a backseat as I plan my next step to make sure I am doing what I need to to achieve my goals. At the moment, all of this thinking and research is draining any attempts for me to write something new.

Okay, that and getting ready for the NBA season to finally start! Not to mention Christmas shopping – so many countdowns!!

Well, I’m glad I’ve made it to this point. A challenging year of letting go of old habits (especially pride – and lots of it!), living by “screw it, just do it,” … it’s been tough. It’s also been fun. I want share my many stories of 2011 in styles that match the way they happened – unexpectedly, random and unique .

I wish God blessed me with a singing voice. Right now, I’m going through this lyricist phase of crafting my own songs. Playing them back so I can write these songs down is painful. I have to laugh to stop me from crying and cringing… I want to share them but this may take some time … maybe another night.

Change

Bitter sweet misery. Happy to be changing but sad and scared to change completely. Swallowing my pride is such a daunting task after all these years of ‘standing up’ for who I am and do, regardless. I don’t like pride. It hurts.

I think I was more scared to be wrong or failing. I’ve bulldozed so many walls down. Being corrected and humbled is an embarrassing blessing. Admitting I am wrong on many fronts is belittling. But I am doing it. Pushing past every “Stop; too difficult” sign while constantly saying “I can do this!”

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